April 30 - May 6, 2000

Sunday, April 30
Davis came by for a visit. He was very interested in the changes in the back yard and the plantings we've done around the front of the house. While we were in the front yard discussing bulbs, he and Don began talking about the brain tumor. At times, Don seems to think he is doing well; at others, he seems to be preparing for the end. He told Davis:

"I was talking to one of the folks from the ashram the other day and I told him I was afraid. I'm not afraid of dying. It's just that my life is good right now and I would hate to leave it. He told me, 'Don't worry. You can come back in the next life.' I actually didn't like this idea. The way I figure it, it took me forty years to get to the point where I like myself. I like my body, I like my life, I like who I am. I don't want to have to go through all that again."

Curtis and Mike had invited us over for dinner this evening and had welcomed Davis along, too. We didn't realize until just before we left for their place that Davis would not be able to stay for dinner. I hope Mike and Curtis were not too put out by having a left-over salmon steak.

Their new home is a classic Eichler. They have plans to redo the deck and hot tub (which actually is an enormous tub - more like a wine barrel). Kirk was also there, and the six of us had a pleasant time, talking and chatting. Kirk was being a little pushy with his prior knowledge of Curtis, giving Mike little tidbits of advice about his behavior and starting a lot of sentences with, "I found that with Curtis you have to...." Mike was very gracious and let none of this bother him - or very controlled and let none of the bother show.

I'm glad Davis was able to come for a visit. I wish he would come more often. He has a calming effect on me and I think Don enjoys him very much as well. Too bad he's so busy.

Monday, May 1


Tuesday, May 2


Wednesday, May 3
Don comes back from the trip to Marin and The City with new scrapes on his hands. He tells me he was waiting for the bus to take him to Marin when it passed him by and stopped at the next stop. He started running to catch it but suddenly fell on his left side. "I didn't trip. There was nothing to stumble over. I just fell over. It was like my left side just stopped working. It was very frightening."

Thursday, May 4
I tell Mark and Brad at the office that things aren't going well at home. I tell them I am no longer comfortable leaving Don home alone. This has come sooner that I had expected, but I had warned Mark that I thought it would eventually come. Brad offers condolences. Mark offers to buy a laptop for me to use at home so I can continue working from home. I ask for a Vaio and he says, "Consider it ordered."

Friday, May 5
The brick pathways are done, the raised beds are in place, and the hot tub is nestled into its nook in the new deck. The backyard has its new look, and I couldn't be more delighted with the results. Don and I are both ecstatic.

"It's so beautiful," he says. We discuss the plantings and flowers we plan to install. Don is genuinely happy for the first time in many weeks. "This will be a real refuge," he says.

Saturday, May 6
Rob and Leah come for lunch and a visit. I show off the back yard. They both marvel at the transformation.

After they leave, Stephen comes for a visit. He and Don discuss poetry while I doze on the couch.





Previous week April 2000   /   May 2000 Following week
© 2000 Louis Flint Ceci / ceci@best.com