Sunday, February 20
It rained most of the day, but before it started I cleaned
out the rain gutters and Don transplanted the nile lilies
to the sunny side of the house.
Later that day, Carol Howard-Wooten called. I recalled her
as the woman who "had to hear it from V's lips" that he
didn't want to be disturbed at Kentfield. I also recalled
that the letter she used to RSVP to our wedding was mostly
about her dying father. It seemed an odd thing to put in
the reply to a wedding invitation, but then Carol is a stroke
survivor herself, so perhaps her behavior is a bit off from
the social norm. Or, maybe it's right on the social norm
for the population that regards itself as Don's friends. They
are all prone either to narcissism or depression, sometimes
both, and can be amazingly self-absorbed at times.
She had left Don a message earlier, asking him to speak to a
stroke survivor. After talking to her today, he told me some
of the details. The man had suffered a second stroke.
His wife, a yogi, was an energetic, enthusiastic person who
very much missed the verbal repartee she used to enjoy with
her husband.
Don said, "It brought home to me how difficult all this would be
without the support of a loved one." He reached over and took
my hand. "Thank you," he said.
"I'm glad I was there," I said. "But you have many people who
love you." Don nodded enthusiastically. I went on, "If it
hadn't been me, it would've been one of your friends."
"Akkk!" he yelled and drew back in mock dismay.
Colin called later in the day to tell us he didn't think we would
be able to participate in the couples' workshops once we got to
Kalani. They would already be two days underway, and a certain
group dynamic and trust builds up that is difficult to enter
once it's begun. Don and I had both been expecting this, but
we were disappointed. Noevertheless, we will stay at Kalani Honua.
There are many sight-seeing destinations nearby, and being in the
environment can be almost as rejuvenating as being in the group.
In the afternoon, after doing some laundry at a local laundromat,
I took Don over to the old Sybase parking lot. We both put on
our bicycle helmuts and he got behind the wheel. He drove
around the lot twice. He didn't signal his turns, and I had
to point out to him when he needed to turn left in order to
avoid pulling out into the street, but he didn't run over any
curbs or run into any cars (the lot was mostly empty or I
wouldn't have risked it). He was able to pull into a head-in
parking spot just fine. Backing into a spot was more difficult,
and he ended up not squarely in the spot. Parallel parking
was also difficult. On the first attempt, he went over the
curb. On the second, he was a good four feet from the curb.
But on the third attempt, he was well aligned, parallel to the
curb, and only about a foot or two from it.
That seemed to be enough for him for one day. He said it felt
could be behind the wheel again, to get the feel of a car in
his hands.
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Monday, February 21
This time, we did not miss the plane. To our surprise, we
discovered that the handsome ticket clerk we rebooked with
on Friday had upgraded our out-bound flight to business class.
This was the first time Don had not flown coach. He was hooked.
We arrived at Kalani Honua in time for supper, which is now "served"
instead of cafeteria style. We noticed other changes, too, including
the road had been paved. The couples retreat was already in progress,
but as we ate dinner they began trickling in. Colin came over to
our table almost as soon as he arrived on the lanai. He told us that
that he was sorry, but he thought the group dynamics had sufficiently
"gelled" that he didn't want us to join the retreat. We were
disappointed, but more importantly, I think the other retreatants
were denied a significant contribution.
We got word throughout the week that the retreat was in trouble.
One couple even dropped out, saying it was "just more of the same
old stuff we'd gotten at other Body Electric workshops." That
would not have been the case if we had been allowed to participate.
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Tuesday, February 22
We woke too late for breakfast, but the staff was kind enough
to give us each a big plate full of fresh fruit. It seemed
just the right thing.
Afterwards, we walked out to the small point of land
across the road from the entrance to Kalani Honua and watching
the sea say things to the land. It reminded Don of his poem,
"Equinox," which he wrote on this very spot.
We walked back in time for lunch, where we met a few of the
participants in the couples' retreat. They had heard about
our travel woes and were glad we had finally arrived. They,
too, were disappointed we weren't able to participate in the
workshops.
That afternoon, Don and I drove to Pahoa to confirm the location
of the clinic where he would get his blood drawn the following
day. We saw a couple of guys who looked familiar there, but
didn't learn until later that they were staying at Kalani.
Don also got some Tylenol to combat the headache he was having.
Headaches worry him, naturally enough, and the flight out had
exacerbated the sinus pressure from his cold.
We asked at the desk if he could see a doctor about
the cold when we came in for the blood draw. Since Don didn't
have his medical insurance card with him, they told us we would
have to pay up front. The price was a bit steep.
We shopped at the local store, picking up an alarm clock to
help us time the zofran-temodar dosages in case Don gets
cleared for the next round, which we expect he will. We're
getting quite a collection of travel alarm clocks. Maybe
we should sew one into the lining of the valise so we won't
keep forgetting it.
On the way
back to Kalani, Don said he thought he was actually getting over
the cold. If he felt better tomorrow, he would only go in for
the blood draw and not see a doctor.
That evening, we took an "adventure trip" with Brent and eight
other residents to see the lava flow. The trip took us
to the part of the road that had been covered by fresh flows
a few years ago. Brent drove the van right onto the lava
and over a very rough road for eight miles. Those eight miles
took about half an hour to drive, and I thought my bones would
pop out of my skin at every jolt. Don was riding in the back
of the van and he was certain his head grazed the roof on some
of the bounces.
It was all made worth it when we arrived just at sunset.
The flow was much
closer to the "road" than it had been even the day before.
We got out of the van and walked to within ten feet of it,
but the heat was quite intense. A few other people were there
as well, and one of them had brought a long, thin branch of
some local tree, like a hiking stick. He poked the end of it
into the white-hot lava and it burst into flames. As he pushed,
the end of the branch seemed to dissolve in flames and smoke.
Before we left Kalani, Brent told uys it was customary to bring
something to offer to Pele. Don chose a small flower like a clover;
I picked a variety of bird-of-paradise with bright red petals.
We took a few steps closer to the lava. A scortching breeze was
blowing off it. Don threw his flower at the flow, and despite the
wind, it sailed right to the hottest part and instantly burst
into flames like a tiny fireworks. My offering had more of a stem
and I was able to throw it like an arrow. It landed atop the
flow, where the lava had cooled from white-orange to red. The
flower did not ignite, though. It just slowly blackened.
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A Visit with Pele
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Wednesday, February 23
The blood draw went without a hitch. We gave the phlebotomist
Don's Social Security number and told her the insurance was
with Blue Shield, and that was all she needed. We were actually
able to call UCSF that evening to get the results. They were
good: Don was cleared to start the next round of Temodar the
following day.
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Thursday, February 24
Because we had to get up early to take the zofran-temodar
combo, we were in no danger of missing breakfast. Mick
came in at 7:00 AM and gave Don a foot massage. He is
quite an enthusiast of floot reflexology. He was going
to give me one, too, but ran out of time.
We ate one last breakfast at Kalani Honua and then started to pack
for our three-hour trip up the east coast and then across the north
end of the Big Island to Kono-Kailua. Before we left, we gave
Mick a copy of "The White Crack." He had been very kind to us.
We went sight-seeing as we drove around the island, stopping
first at the Lava Trees; then at the Mauna Loa macadamia nut factory;
a botanical garden north of Hilo that several people had recommended
(though none of them had actually been there);
and a village that Don remembered
from his bike trip around the island years ago. We stopped
there for lunch, then took the highway as it curved west towards
the Kona coast. We had intended to take a side trip to a
lookout over one of the fantastically deep erosional valleys
on this side of the island, but Don was feeling pressed for time.
We passed through a town near Parker Ranch
where a friend of Don's works in
a cancer advisory center. Unfortunately, she had left for
the day, so we didn't get to see her. Don was a little
reluctant to stop at all since he was eager to meet up with
the folks in Kona. He was afraid they would be waiting for
us and worried if we were late.
We arrived around 4:00, about an hour later than we'd estimated.
Don left Jim a couple of messages on his phone, keeping him
posted as to our whereabouts. The biggest snag was the
unexpected traffic right around Kona. It was backed up for
about two miles just from sheer congestion.
We had been told the condo where we were staying was "right
across from the big banyan tree." As soon as we got into
town, I could see that wasn't right. There were several
big banyan trees, and the condo complexes and hotels next
to them and across the street from them were not ours.
Perhaps the instructions meant to say, "Turn right at the
big banyan tree."
We found the place nevertheless. Joyce was there, and she had
unhappy news. The management had reserved one condo, not
two. One would certainly not fit our entire party of eleven
adults. The management was not helpful. They said there were
no other rooms in town, "The town is booked solid." They
were also not interested in giving us a refund. By this time,
Don and I were so inured to travel disasters that we didn't
blink an eye. The advance team had actually found another
condo complex - nicer that this one, in fact. Eight of us,
including Don and me, moved in there. It was a splendid place,
and we were, after all, in paradise.
We all got together that evening for dinner in our condo, which
was the larger of the two (and a little closer to town).
Afterwards, Maha approached Don and said, "I know Lou doesn't,
but would you like to partake in a bit of the sacred weed?"
"It's not just that he doesn't," Don said, "but he forbids
me to, either."
I was a bit startled by his vehemence.
"It's true," I said, laughing nervously, "I'm a bit of a hemp-o-phobe."
Maha looked from one of us to the other. "Well," she asked Don,
"would you like some anyway?"
"Actually, I've done some research on it," he said, "and it
turns out marijuana is an immune suppressant."
Well, I thought, that's news.
"So you don't think you will?"
"No, thanks."
Maha and Jnani went into the back bedroom with Diana, and soon the
hallway was redolent. Later, after dinner, a pipe was passed
around, and Don declined again. Even Duane took a hit, which
surprised me. I don't think Jim did, though.
Katherine wanted to go outside "to the beach," so eventually
most of us made it down the stairs and across the swimming
pool area to a gate that gave access to the "beach." But
of course, there wasn't a beach here. There were large
lava rocks with small bits of sand between them. It was
very uneven footing and very dark. I was afraid either
Don or I would twist an ankle. We sat down on the first
rock that seemed large enough and watched the others. They,
too, soon grew tired of the sport and we all trouped back
to the condo.
They very graciously gave Don and me the master bedroom, with
its own attached bathroom. The rest bedded down in the
second bedroom, on a mattress on the floor of the living room,
or out on the balcony. "Don't let housekeeping in in the morning,"
Jnani said. "We don't want them to know there are eight people
in this room."
"But we need extra towels," someone objected.
"Well, have them bring extra towels, but don't let them in."
"We should call them and tell them we don't want any housekeeping."
They decided this was what they should do, and Maha made the call.
This seemed a silly bit of paranoia. If they really were
interested in concealing the number of people in the room,
the last thing they should do is call the front desk and say,
"We want extra towels, but no housekeeping." I was convinced
the management had much better thing to do than get an exact
guest count for each suite. Besides, with eight people using
two bathrooms for five days, we were going to need
housekeeping.
But I kept all this to myself. Don's friends seem to delight
in the notion of conspiracy, of secrets shared, of happiness
cleverly obtained behind the backs of the authorities. It
reminded me of my sophomore year in college, and I felt both
a pang of nostalgia for the camaraderie and an irritation at
such immaturity from the people I would be living with for
the rest or my vacation.
Oh, well, I thought as Don and I snuggled in the huge
bed, in-laws will be in-laws.
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Breakfast on the Lanai
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Friday, February 25
Wedding Day!
Don and I went in search of the gay nude beach Brent had told
us about back at Kalani. We found it, but the walk out to it
was a bit tiring, and there was only two or three people there,
widely scattered and not much to look at. Of course, we were
there around ten o'clock on a weekday morning. The place
might pick up some later in the day.
Still, the quiet and warmth were pleasant, and the seclusion
gave me time to calm down. I read a little,
Don dozed a little. I stared out at the ocean and thought
about our lives and the commitment we were about to make.
"This is quite a big step we're taking," I said. Don looked
at me. "I'd be scared if I weren't taking it with you."
He looked at the sand. "I've already taken it," he said.
"Now it just needs to be manifest, to be seen."
Around noon, we decided to head back to the condo to wash,
rest, and change for the ceremony this evening. As we left,
more guys were arriving. Perhaps it is not quite so secluded
a spot as the day moves on.
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Wedding Photos!
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Saturday, February 26
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