October 24, 1999 - October 30, 1999

Sunday, October 24
This was to be a no-schedule day. We started out staying very late in bed, and didn't have breakfast until around noon. I spent most of the afternoon summarizing Don's medical expenses, trying to reconstruct what he's been billed for, what the insurance has paid, and how much he's asked The Fund for V to reimburse him. Tallying the expenses wasn't hard because Don kept all his Blue Cross explanation of benefit forms and almost all of his receipts. But figuring out how much he had been reimbursed by The Fund for V was impossible. He remembered how much they sent him when they zeroed out the account - $1,000 - but he couldn't remember how much they had sent him the time before. He could point to only two receipts he thought that previous payment might have covered.

Nevertheless, I was able to make the following summary:

Don was billed for $4,978.73 in medical expenses in 1998. These expenses were all due to his hemorrhage in December. The insurance "negotiated" $1,669.19 in reductions to these bills, Then the insurance paid the remaining $3,309.44. Don paid nothing. That means his entire stay at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital and the emergency services he received getting there were completely covered by insurance. (This was while he was still on the CalifornaiCare plan, which someone described as the "Cadillac" plan.)

For 1999, I broke the expenses down into three categories: conventional (doctors, hospitals, clinics, and prescriptions); complementary (herbs, supplements, qi gung, and accupuncture); and treatment-related (mostly transportation and parking expenses). Only the conventional expenses have gone through the insurance company.

Two notes: Dr. Freinkel appears under conventional expenses because Don is seeing him as a conventional psychotherapist (though Dr. Freinkel is far from what I would call conventional). Second, Don has no record of expenses that were billed directly to The Fund for V, such as his accupuncturist in Marin.

Here are the totals for 1999:

Conventional:
	Billed:				$126,452.67
	Reduction by Insurance:		$ 79,901.39
	Paid by Insurance:		$ 43,869.05
	Remainder Paid by Don:		$  2,481.87
	Reimbursements from Fund:	$  1,290.37
	Outstanding Unreimbursed:	$  1,191.50


Complementary: Billed: $ 1,382.59 Reduction by Insurance: $ -0- Paid by Insurance: $ -0- Remainder Paid by Don: $ 1,382.59 Reimbursements from Fund: $ -0- Outstanding Unreimbursed: $ 1,382.59

Treatment-Related: Billed: $ 26.25 Reduction by Insurance: $ -0- Paid by Insurance: $ -0- Remainder Paid by Don: $ 26.25 Reimbursements from Fund: $ -0- Outstanding Unreimbursed: $ 26.25

If you add up all of Don's unreimbursed medical expenses, the total is $2,600.34.

I'm sure some of this has, in fact, already been taken care of by the first reimbursement from The Fund for V, but Don has no record of how much that was. It is my best estimate that the actual outstanding unreimbursed expenses are approximately $2,000.

My next step in all this is to write an appeal letter for Rachel to send out. I'll need to know the address of the P.O. Box Carol is getting, and what formal name we're going to give the fund (it might be best to keep "The Fund for V"). Carol said she was going to get the P.O. Box last Friday, and Joan at Commonweal said she would hand over the books from Janet tomorrow, Monday.

After doing the math, we went out to a movie. I selected Love Me Tonight, which was playing at the Stanford. Fortunately, Don enjoys my taste in classic films from the 1930's and 40's.

We bought our tickets, then strolled along University Avenue before the show. Don explained to me that he was frustrated by the effect the Prozac was having on his sexual function. "I still find you very exciting," he said. He seemed most concerned to reassure me of this.

I told him it was no problem to me, but that I was concerned it might be very frustrating to him if he could not perform. Things had gone well Saturday morning, but this morning's love-making had been difficult for him.

"I'm going to talk to Freinkel about it on Tuesday," he said. "This will never do."

I was glad to hear the determination in his voice. Maybe the Prozac is helping in other ways, giving him the confidence to take charge of his treatment.

Monday, October 25


Tuesday, October 26


Wednesday, October 27


Thursday, October 28


Friday, October 29
I arrived at the Camalodese Hermitage just after sunset. There was a map taped to the door of the bookstore indicating where my lodgings were, which is how the guestmaster usually passes information to guests arriving after the store closes. However, I had never gone into the cloister in the dark before and I couldn't find the cell, numbered 17b, in the dark. Brother Immanuel was coming down the path as I was groping my way up it and he helped me find the place.

I ate a bowl of carrot soup in the refectory kitchen, where I met Bill, another friend of Marc's who also happened to be spending the weekend at the monastery. He is a student of Chinese medicine, especially herbalism and acupuncture. As part of his studies, he took my pulse in both wrists. He said my pulse was strong and balanced. I was glad to hear it.

I also found out that Marc was actually in Palo Alto this particular evening. How odd that we went in opposite directions today. But Bill said Marc would be back tomorrow morning.

The stars were remarkable this night. The Milky Way seemed to plung directly into the sea. I noticed with a shock that Mars was in Sagitarius. The last time I remember noting its position was when I pointed it out to Don. It was in Scorpio then. My summer has truly slipped away, and I feel sorry for the loss.

Although I did not see it this evening - possibly because I was tired and possibly because I was not looking for it - Marc had actually left a note in my room. It said, "Greetings to Lou! from Rene (back Fri eve or Sat morn.)" René is Marc's name in the monastery, as there is already a Brother Mark here.

Saturday, October 30
I woke with the bells for Vigil. I was hoping to make at least one full set of offices one of the days I was here. The stars were again startlingly clear, and Venus seemed nearly as bright as the last-quarter moon.

The patristic reading was from the Rule of St. Benedict on the proper treatment of guests. I noticed Marc was back from Palo Alto, and after the office, he came over and greeted me. "That reading was for you," he said.

I noticed the note in my cell when I got back and wondered why I hadn't noticed it the night before. An interesting series of thoughts went through my head: Had Marc really left it? I thought I had taken a brief look around for a note last night, remembering the "Welcome Dear Lucia" note from my first visit. Had I really overlooked this note, or had it not been there last night, but put up sometime later? I found this a rather convoluted way of reinforcing my basic sense of being unwelcome. Sometimes, one's neuroses are bluntly obvious.

I slept through Lauds, though the bells rang again. I didn't wake until it was time for Eucharist. After the Mass, I ate with Marc in the refectory. I like being there with the monks, fathers, and oblates. Marc told me he was an oblate, contrary to my memory of his being simply a worker here. In fact, he said he was considering becoming a monk - taking the vows and everything.

I gave him a brief update of my life with Don and we agreed to talk more later. He said he had chores to do today, and he wanted to spend some time with Bill as well, since Bill was leaving tomorrow and I was staying on till Monday.

I spent a very pleasant afternoon in the library, reading Sky and Telescope magazine. When Vespers came around, I felt I had very pleasantly lost complete track of time. I went to Vespers and sat a half an hour in meditation in the sanctuary afterwards.

That night, I got out my binoculars and found some of the asterations I'd read about in the magazine. I found the Coathanger for the first time. I tried looking for other objects, but the sky was so full of stars I got lost in the wonder of it all.



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© 2000 Louis Flint Ceci / ceci@best.com